There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
