I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
