She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
