Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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