Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
