You really coming over, don't trick.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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