Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
