i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
