And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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