he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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