she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
