forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
