just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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