just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize