I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
someone owes me an orgasm
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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