So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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