i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
