You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
