He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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