i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is the high leading the old right now
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
