Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize