My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
