We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
