Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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