the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
