Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
