two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
