also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize