what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
