I'm really into asian looking animals
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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