i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
