Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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