Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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