im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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