No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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