I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
