i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
