I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
