He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The air taste purple.
Randomize
