It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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