I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
