Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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