how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
