trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
