Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
