Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
