just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
