She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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