dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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