You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
