I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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