you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
