you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
