I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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