So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
