I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
