I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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