Where is the hickey?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize