I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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