I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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