if you like me you must not know who I am
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
