I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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