Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
