So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
