For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
