He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
